Down On The farm

Towards the end of my Friday photoshoot with Sian at The Nene Valley Railway (story here), I mentioned that it began to rain that turned within minutes into a deluge.  Whilst sheltering from the worst of the downpour we discussed the day, and Sian mentioned that she had some availability the following week because of a cancellation.  I happily jumped at the chance of working together again, and booked her for a Monday session.

Fortunately I had a plan ready to go as I’d had to postpone the farm shoot from Friday due to poor weather, and this was why we had ended up filming on the railway.  It was fortuitous indeed as I was on duty at the Nene Valley all weekend; so one phone call was all that was required to reinstate the shoot.

Monday dawned with clear skies and conditions were bright, despite the forecast, sorry, guesswork by the Met. Wombles stating it would be hazy sunshine with showers.  If you don’t know what the weather is going to do, just say so, for God’s sake!  (Sorry, but it really annoys me, as you might have guessed).

I made my way to the farm via the Oxfam shop in Grantham, where to the amazement of the old dears inside I marched in bang at opening time to purchase some ladies’ summer hats.  I like hats as accessories, they offer so much potential – and if nothing else, keeps bright sun out of your model’s eyes in between shots.  I try to think ahead!

Sian and Spike arrived a good half hour early – I’ve read that models are notorious for turning up late to shoots, but Sian was prompt and reliable on both occasions that I worked with her.  They were impressed by the farm, which is located in South Lincolnshire and set in a beautiful undulating valley.  I’ve known the owners for years as I created and currently maintain a website for their self-catering accommodation at Witham Barn – indeed it was they who suggested the farm as a location in the first place.  The original stone barns have been converted into an apartment complex for up to six people, and a further conversion is underway to create a smaller apartment for up to four people.  The Witham Barn website has all the details, but please note that the farm itself is off limits to the public as it is a fully functional working establishment with livestock and machinery on the move all day.  And you wouldn’t want an angry bull chasing you round the paddocks, now would you?

I like to begin a session with a coffee and a chat as it provides an informal start to the day and an opportunity to plan the shoot.  I briefed Sian on the scenarios I’d got planned, and then out came her suitcase, several bags of clothes and a host of accessories in order for the ‘what to wear’ part of the day.  I’m extremely impressed that Sian works this way; she brings a fantastic selection of clothes to choose from and is full of suggestions as to what will work at each point of the shoot.  She even brought some long evening gowns with her – and would you believe that even on a farm we were presented with an ideal opportunity to use them!  That’s the beauty of working with Sian; she never lets an opportunity pass her by.

I had four basic scenarios planned, and just as I’d done at the railway I wanted Sian to take on character roles for the shoot.  This may seem an odd way of working, but I like my shoots to tell a story through pictures.  Therefore the model will interact with her surroundings and become part of an overall scene.  I also believe that this kind of interactive shoot is fun and challenging for the model, and Sian certainly seemed to enjoy herself undertaking her various roles.  I have to say that until I discovered modelling I’ve never gone a bundle on going through a woman’s wardrobe, but I found myself digging deep and going into raptures over some of her outfits that would fit in perfectly with the scenes I had planned.

The first and most obvious shoot was that of ‘Farmhand.’  This involved Sian clambering in and out of tractors, tinkering with machinery, checking up on the cows in the barns and sitting on obligatory bales of hay.  For this she wore a simple white dress that fitted in naturally with her surroundings.  It was a fun shoot, especially when the dog turned up and demanded to be included in proceedings!

The next set would be The Junkyard – every farm has an area where old machinery, vehicles and general clutter is dumped.  Areas like this provide great backdrops and props for photography, and whilst I’d been shooting Sian in the farmyard Spike had been scouting round the scrap area sorting out props.  He noticed some superb features that worked incredibly well and created some fantastic photos. To provide some dramatic contrast in these pictures, Sian dressed up into a black and white floral print blouse and skirt with black ankle boots, all topped off by a straw hat featuring a pink ribbon to add a splash of colour.  A final touch was a cream rose hair accessory.  This outfit looked very elegant and worked well with the rusty and broken machines and junk used as props and background in the set.  I particularly liked the partially scrapped lorry that stood forlornly in the yard minus wheels, seats and most of its fittings – Sian really enjoyed herself pretending to drive it!  We went for a variety of expressions here, and as I threw scenarios to her she reacted accordingly.  When I tried her with the trucker’s daily nightmare of, ‘A bimbling Peugeot driver on the school run has pulled out in front of you at 18 mph,’ she responded not only with an angry look, but accompanied it with such ferocious language that I can only assume she has been a trucker in a previous life.  And to look at her you’d think butter wouldn’t melt ….. That’s what I mean about interactive modelling shoots!  I thought that this set worked very well, and Spike noticed some great features that added real zest to the shoot.

We broke for lunch at this point (thanks to Maria for organising a wonderful buffet) before resuming the shoot with a new outfit and new scenario.  I’d planned on the simple premise of depicting a ‘Girl in the Countryside’ shoot, but with the added challenge of filming with horses and paddling in a stream.  As I mentioned earlier, I like models to get involved in the shoot in every sense!  Sian dressed in a gorgeous outfit for these scenes; a swirling white gypsy skirt topped by a corset and of course, white heels and a straw hat.  It provided a lovely rustic and timeless atmosphere to the sequence, which I have to say, was my favourite of the day.  To work off lunch, I asked Sian to play on the swing while I took some action shots.  Well, that was easier said than done!  Her hat kept blowing away, and then we discovered that the swing, whilst substantial, wasn’t bolted into the ground and wasn’t quite up to Sian’s aeronautical acrobatics!  Still, we persevered until I got some shots I was happy with.  Then straight onto the next challenge – photos with horses.  I wanted a shot of Sian feeding a horse, and had brought a bag of apples for this scene.  And now I know why they say never work with children or animals!  The horses loved the idea of getting apples; they just didn’t see why they had to pose as well!  It took some time, but eventually I got a feeding the horse shot, as well as some lovely natural shots of Sian with these magnificent animals.

You’d think I’d asked enough of Sian by now, but I was just getting started!  Oh dear.  So the next stop was the stream, where I asked her to go for a paddle.  Yes, the water was cold, judging by her expression!  Spike very kindly made me some stepping-stones so that I could go into the stream myself and take pictures without getting wet.  Very thoughtful, although I’m not sure that Sian agreed.  I was after some specific shots here, as water is a wonderful natural prop.  By seating Sian on the bank, she could gently kick her legs in the stream as I wanted to capture the flying drops of water on film for effect.  She got into this task with relish, and I got some shots ranging from a few drops to tsunami!

Once Sian had dried off we progressed into the undulating valley, heading for a strange brick chimney of some description.   I have no idea what it does or why it is there, but it made a useful base for some lovely seated shots with Sian using the flowing skirt to great effect.  There were also some small trees here that made for some pleasing shots as I could have Sian peering in and around them.

We returned to the farmhouse for the next phase of the day, which would be in total contrast to everything that had gone before.  Witham Barn has a terrace that overlooks the valley, and is a lovely spot to relax in if you’re staying at the apartment.  I wanted some elegant photos for the Witham Barn website from this spot, and Sian came up trumps with a beautiful black dress with purple polka dots.  It was the perfect dress for an evening shoot and Sian looked terrific in it.  Then it came off to reveal a bikini, because the terrace features a hot tub!  I really do look after models that work with me.  Spike had already discovered the tub while I was shooting the terrace scenes, and had made himself quite comfortable!  He’d certainly earned a dip after all the location and prop hunting.  However, he had to vacate it so that I could shoot Sian for a set of pictures that were partly for the Witham barn website, and I also wanted to try my hand at filming swimwear in an appropriate setting.  Sian responded with some terrific poses that matched any Hollyoaks calendar!  I’d brought along a bubble machine, and these added a great deal of fun to the shoot at one point.  Once again Spike helped out here by operating the machine at just the right moment.  I don’t know what I’d do without him.

I wasn’t finished there, as I had another technique to experiment with, and boy, was Sian up for it!  I wanted her to take a bottle of water and slowly pour it down her front so that I could capture the water pouring out of the bottle and splashing off her body.  These were great shots and more successful than envisaged.  That was that, or so I thought, so Sian and Spike relaxed in the hot tub together – which offered new photographic opportunities.  They produced some amazing pictures – so hot I thought that the tripod would melt.

And that was that.  Until Sian spotted a pair of chaise longue with some vintage glass fronted cabinets in a room in the farmhouse.  We got permission to shoot, and Sian posed in two full-length evening gowns, one red and one black to match the red and black furniture.  In one set she tantalises and teases whilst eating a strawberry; this was a real naughty-but-nice set and worked well as she recreated some elegant and recognisable poses in a Cleopatra-esque style.  Amazing!

Our nine-hour day ended there, with everyone shattered but knowing we’d produced some great work between us.  I cannot emphasise enough the team effort that went into the day.  We’d established a good rapport and that provided a light and easy feel to the whole shoot.  The mood of the day shows up clearly in the pictures, and I was pleased with the photosets that emerged as a result.  Whilst the pictures are not technically brilliant and don’t compare to the amazing work of some professional photographers I’ve been admiring online, they are nevertheless pleasing to me (and hopefully Sian and Spike).  The various techniques and gimmicks I’d tried out had all worked, and remarkably well in most cases.  Sian had willingly tried out all my madcap ideas without hesitation, and said she'd had a great time.  And to me, that’s the idea here.  Have fun, enjoy the shoot and come home with great photos.  What more can you ask for?

The sets from the day will shortly be added to my Fashion Modelling Portfolio.

You Wait Ages For a Bus ...

And then 40 turn up at once!

This Sunday was the third Peterborough Bus Rally, an event that is rapidly establishing itself on the heritage transport events calendar.  Held at the delightful Sacrewell Farm complex in Cambridgeshire – worth a visit in its own right – this year’s rally saw a record 40 buses and coaches appear along with a display of fire engines and several trucks from local hauliers.  The weather was glorious, and the vehicles were set up to take advantage of this.  At some rallies the exhibits are tightly jammed together making photography difficult; at Sacrewell everything was nicely spaced out and lined up to make shooting individual vehicles and collections easy and pleasant.  It didn’t stop some individuals from peering intently at fuel cap fillers for 20 minutes whilst  I was trying to get a shot before a baby buggy was wheeled past, but that’s an occupational hazard at such occasions.

The highlight of the event was that many vehicles were actually in use carrying passengers on a shuttle service to and from the Nene Valley Railway where a vintage vehicles display was being held alongside the train services.  Buses and coaches took turns to operate the shuttle, allowing travel on a fantastic range of vehicles that were once everyday sights on our roads.  I was particularly pleased to see a London Routemaster assigned to route 73 as I spent many hours commuting between Stamford Hill and Oxford Street in 1987 - 88 on these buses.  They were comfortable enough to sleep in on my way home, unlike the modern Metrobuses that were used on the service on Sundays.  Invariably my inbuilt radar would wake me up at Stoke Newington, thus giving me enough time to come round and check that my wallet hadn’t been nicked before descending the spiral staircase and jumping off the platform at Craven Park Road – those were the days prior to the obsession with elf n’ safety.  If you fell whilst jumping and went under the wheels, then tough.  Deal with it.

On one occasion I was a little more tired than usual – perhaps related to attending a staff leaving do in town – and my radar packed up around Kings Cross.  Instead of waking up at Stoke I eventually came round in stygian gloom and complete silence.  I thought I’d woken up dead.  Close – I’d woken up in Tottenham Bus Garage.

Due to commitments at the NVR I was a bit tight for time and jumped on the most convenient bus to get me to and from the venue.  I travelled up on a delightful Welsh Bristol from 1966, and returned on a more modern Plaxton bodied coach from the early 80’s.  I was surprised that the coach, despite being quite modern, didn’t have power steering and the driver really had to fight it around the lanes linking Sacrewell with the A1.

The rally is well worth attending for any transport enthusiast, and is now gaining a reputation on the circuit ensuring a larger turnout of vehicles every year.  Sacrewell Farm is an established visitor centre, with many attractions and activities for families – during the summer a Routemaster bus connects with the Nene Valley Railway on selected operating days, thus creating an ideal day out.  Sometimes you even get two coming at once!

Mirror, Signal - Forget It

This is definitely not the best week I’ve ever had at work.  Having fallen through the pavement in Nottingham on Tuesday, I was hoping for a less stressful day on Wednesday.  It was not to be.  The morning drop was to Leicester, without doubt the most unpleasant rundown cesspit I have the misfortune to visit on a regular basis.  It’s like Kandahar without any atmosphere but slightly less chance of being shot.  Not only was I going to Kandahar, sorry, Leicester, I was also delivering to our most unpleasant customer – so that put me in a great frame of mind.

The trip passed without incident or too many arguments at the delivery end, and I returned for my second outing to Denby in Derbyshire.  This was a new customer, and the address was a farm on the Derby Road.  How hard can that be, then?

Well, bloody impossible was the answer to that.  I found the road without any problems, and went up and down four times looking for a likely looking farm.  Nothing.  My map and satnav confirmed I was in the right area, and allowing a mile each side narrowed down the search area.  Oh well, if in doubt – phone up.  Yes, you’re way ahead of me.  Landline on voicemail and mobile switched off.  Rang base to try and find it on Google Earth, but no joy.  Park up and have a coffee until somebody wakes up.  After 15 minutes base rang to say that the customer had called asking where his cars where.  You can guess how I responded.  The result, after my tirade of abuse, was that the customer would stand at the end of the track whilst I drove up through Denby and guide me in.

So I spun the truck around again and headed north.  Sure enough, I found my customer at the end of a track, although it was so overgrown I thought it was an allotment.  The customer gazed at the transporter in astonishment.  “Oh, you’ll never get that up the track,” he said.  “Tell you what – there’s an industrial estate down the road, if you unload there I can drive them up.”

How I didn’t run him over there and then I don’t know.  If he’d simply said that in the first place I could have been on my way back home.  And what did he expect five cars to be delivered on: a skateboard?  However, I was so glad to finally get rid of the cars that I went to the estate and tipped them, and even sorted out the non-running Porsche with a towrope and dragged it down the track for him.  Did I get a nice drink for all my trouble and courtesy?  Did I bollocks.

I enquired about the address being a farm.  “Oh, it used to be a farm, years ago,” he replied.  That is the sort of answer you only expect to hear in Spalding.

Thursday had to better after all that.  Yeah, right.  

I was taking an artic up to Scarborough to collect four cars, returning via Goole to add another five.  Despite the caravans, tractors, mobility scooters and accidents I made reasonable time to my first port of call, where the salesman asked if I could take six cars instead of four.  “Too right,” I replied – in my eyes six made a load and meant that I didn’t have to go to Goole to top up.  I mean, pointless going all that way off my route to pick up three and still have to leave two behind.  Yes, you’re right – any excuse.  But it’s not like I’m on bonus or anything, so those that are can go and get them as far as I’m concerned.

Leaving Scarborough I noticed that the driver’s side indicator lamp on the dash wasn’t working.  On Merc trucks, this is usually a warning to say that one of the exterior bulbs is out, so I pulled over to find out which one.  Easy answer – all of them.  I had all my left hand flashers but no right hand whatsoever, or hazards come to that.  Fortunately I could get from Scarborough to base with only a couple of right turns provided I didn’t overtake or break down.

A quick look round the obvious electrical items didn’t reveal anything out of the ordinary, and a call to a regular Actros driver confirmed that this was something that had happened before and wasn’t a roadside fix.  I asked if there was anything temporary that could be set up to get home.  “Yes, dead easy,” came the reply.  “Rip off the Merc badge and stick an Audi badge in its place.  That way no bugger will ever expect you to signal anyway!”

And you know what – it worked.  Wonder what disasters will befall me on Friday, then.  Can’t wait …

To avoid making any right turns I took a short cut ...

Did The Earth Move For You?

Moses came down from Mount Sinai in his triumph with the Ten Commandments and the Red Sea parted before him.  I came down Mount Street in Nottingham in my Scania with five customer cars and the whole pavement parted beneath me.

Moses only had to contend with Pharaoh and the Egyptian army with their chariots.  Fall through a pavement in Nottingham and you have to deal with Council officials, utility providers and people pretending to be policemen, sorry, policepersons, in hi-viz jackets and bulletproof vests.  Not to mention the veritable army of self appointed experts who just happen to be passing and helpfully pass on tips about digging out tanks during the Battle of the Somme.  “What you need, young man, is flypaper and a coal scuttle.  Wrap the axle up in greaseproof paper and you’ll have it out in a jiffy, what!”  Which is why I decided to wait out the episode in my cab and grab forty winks.

What happened was this.  I had a delivery of five cars to make to one of the umpteen ‘hand car wash’ places that have sprung up everywhere in Nottingham.  Because Councils make everywhere as HGV unfriendly as possible these days there is nowhere to offload and the racetracks that serve as roads to the demented drivers of Nottingham – who make the Wacky Races look like a 1930’s drive in the country – are not exactly the most ideal place to make a delivery from.  That’s assuming you can even see them under the yellow lines, red lines, chevrons, cameras, bus lanes, cycle lanes, yummy-mummy school lanes, antiskid surfaces and red top tarmac.  Therefore I pull onto the pavement to drop the cars off.  Unfortunately, the pavement gave way under the weight of the lorry – a fact I can only subscribe to mining subsidence from the days when Britain had what we used to call industry and employment.  The nearside wheel went into the hole up to axle height, with the vehicle resting on the anti roll bar.  Fortunately I could adjust the air suspension to maintain a level surface in the cab so I didn’t spill my coffee whilst awaiting the recovery vehicle.  This would have arrived a lot quicker than it did, had not our buffoon of a ‘service provider’ sent it to a different street in Nottingham to pick up a coach.  No wonder they couldn't find me.

Recovery with an impressive beast of a three-axle Foden was swift, thanks to the simple expedient of attaching a chain to the front and bodily lifting the truck out of the hole and swinging it onto the road.  The experience didn’t seem to have harmed the Scania, and it performed normally for the rest of the day.  Now we have to wait for the reams of paperwork and claims, followed by insurance battles and counter claims in order to decide who pays how much and to whom.  Not something that Moses had to deal with, of that I’m sure.

Driving Whilst on the Mobile ...

Whilst walking around Grantham, or indeed any other conurbation these days, I frequently have to step nimbly out of the way of the present day equivalent of Boudicca’s chariot – the dreaded mobility scooter.  They tend to be driven on crowded urban pavements by Jeremy Clarkson wannabees and whoa betide anyone who isn’t sharp enough on their toes to get out of the way.  Pensioners, toddlers and the infirm stand little chance when the pavement equivalent of the Range Rover is heading for cut price comfy slippers from Aldi.

They’re not just driven on pavements, however – this photo from The Telegraph shows one on the M20 motorway at Cheriton that had been stopped by Police whilst doing 8 mph in the hard shoulder.  Had he been doing 8 mph on the M25, he’d have been done for speeding.  Another example was pictured in The Mirror on the A27 near Shoreham whilst happily trundling down to the Post Office.  In Bognor Regis.  That’s what happens when you close all the local Post Office counters.

None of these examples quite matched the out and out bravery or sheer lunacy and arrogance – take your pick – of the sight I witnessed today.  I was travelling on a steam train between Orton Mere and Ferry Meadows when at the Yacht Club crossing, one such buggy pulled out in front of the train.  Despite frantic blasts from the locomotive’s whistle, the driver of the scooter seemed unperturbed at the approach of the 117-ton loco and it’s six coaches.  I’d had my head stuck out of the window of the leading coach for this stretch of line as I often do, and couldn’t believe that the cart kept on coming at a snail’s pace over the steeply graded incline to reach the tracks.  More whistles and a brake application were followed by the buggy disappearing from view, so I popped over to the other side of the coach to find out if the NVR now had a new item of rolling stock to add to their collection.  Well, he’d made it by a narrow margin, although I wouldn’t want to get too close to his Y-fronts.   As we past by this ‘gentleman’, he was angrily sticking up two fingers at the passing train.  At first I couldn’t believe his arrogance – although now I come to think about previous experiences with many of these buggies, I most certainly can.

Boudicca’s defeat at the hands of the Romans came about despite her legendary chariot with knives being able to flay the enemy forces as she charged through.  Had she had a fleet of mobility scooters to take into battle on the day that Lidl were knocking out knitted hot water bottle covers, then perhaps things would have turned out completely differently.