Even My Mam's Got Talent!

My holidaying friends, and their fridge, are all now back from vacation mode. Consequently I was round at their house on Saturday, watching the astonishing Poland’s Got Talent (or MAM Talent to use the Polish TV Channel’s name; hence the truly horrendous title to this piece of rambling dribble) - beamed in via Polsat on a satellite dish that looks suspiciously like something that should be residing at Gatwick Airport. Unfortunately, it’s getting close to the final so the truly bizarre acts have long gone, but even so, there was still enough entertainment to pass a couple of hours.

We were offered a pudgy child performing a death rock anthem – imagine Bonnie Langford in her Just William days doing Ozzy’s Paranoid and you’re on the right lines. Two blokes did a strange take on a mime act with sound effects, and another man had managed to graft computerised drums into his shoes, so that he could play percussion by jumping up and down a lot. Er – ok. Then there was a sort of circus trapeze outfit disguised as a Tarzan, Jane and gorillas act that was followed by an inevitable acrobatic rap dance troupe that jumped up and down a lot to a noise that sounded like a plane crashing into my kitchen cupboards. Then we had a young female singer called Anna Teliczn who sang a ballad in perfect English – very nice – and ended with a boy who wants to be a girl, or a girl who wants to be a boy, or maybe a boy who is halfway to becoming a girl. With a name like Madox, the jury is still out, and either way, his / her social worker has their hands full. I thought Madox was a relaxing bubblebath, but I could be wrong. He / she / it sang Stop Before You Break My Heart – too late, the damage was done.

There are three judges – Malgosia is an actress who would be our Amanda Holden; Kuba is our Simon Cowell but looks like a very young Chris Evans so rather loses the edge, and then we have Agnieszka, a middle aged rock chic – sort of Bonnie Tyler or Suzi Audi Quattro. She must be our equivalent of Dannii Minogue / the good looking Geordie from Girls Are Loud or whoever the hell we have – I get confused. Keeping everything ticking over is Ant and Dekski who compere the show. So it’s not as if the producers have copied Britain’s Got Talent, no way.

The judges panned young Anna, presumably because she is young, pretty and could sing. They gave Madox glowing praise and the promise of a great Susan Boyle future. People power won through, though – the public voted Anna through to the final, and the judges then had to choose between Madox and the Mime Nutters. Strangely, after all the hype, they chose the Mr Beanski act, leaving Madox even more confused than he / she / it already is – so Madox left without a place in the final, but with a nice bag of toiletries. For him. Or her. Whatever.

As I like to be open minded and let people chose for themselves, here are the main performers, brought to you by courtesy of the MAM Talent website.

This is Anna singing a song I recognise, but can't remember the name.  Sorry for my less than in-depth research here:

This mime act can't be described, so you'll just have to watch it, -unless you've got something more urgent to do, like ironing your shoelaces.  I'll understand, really.

And here we have Far From the Madoxing Crowd - this must be the Georgina / George that Enid Blyton wrote about all those years ago on Kirren Island.

If you’re still with me, and I don’t blame you if stopped reading this before I broke your heart some time ago, then I’ve already invited myself up to watch the final, so watch this space for more exciting details.