I’ve noticed recently that the shops have shelves piled high with cards, wrapping paper, gift tags, Santas, angels, stars and Christmas Puddings. Add to this the fact the sales staff look grumpier than ever, and you can only conclude that in the retail world it is Christmas time once again. Oh how jolly. Still, there is one reason to look forward to Christmas – an opportunity to undertake a sexy seasonal photoshoot with my favourite model, Sian.
Essentially, although my photography is coming along quite nicely thanks mainly to the unstinting assistance and tuition from Spike, I need as much studio experience and practise as possible. Sian is always happy to dress up (or down!) and try some new ideas, outfits and poses so that I can practise techniques with her – and hopefully we both end up with some great pictures that may be used to add a new element to our portfolios.
The Christmas shoot began in surreal fashion with a trip to Corby in order to buy some suitable clothing and lingerie for this shoot plus the following project (more on that later). Lingerie shopping is something of an alien task for me, and I immediately thought about the classic episode of Father Ted when the priests got lost in the lingerie department of a store, which is where the title of this article originates from – probably not what you were expecting, I take it.
"There's no way oot. There's just no way OOT!"
Whilst we managed to find some rather nice gear for the next project without difficulty, searching for a simple bright red bra-and-knicker set plus some suspenders and hold-ups proved to be quite a challenge. I mean, it’s Christmas – and has been since July according to Asda. So wouldn’t you expect to find festive lingerie lined up rack after rack, given that you can already purchase extra special mince pies (that are out of date in November – who thought that one through)?
Well, we tried Primark, Peacocks, TK Max, Matalan, Kwikfit (which I thought meant access to high speed changing rooms but turned out to be some car place) and many, many more women’s fashion outlets before finally coming across the one and only set of red lingerie in Corby. “Buy it!” demanded my model. I bought it.
And then we required stockings. That proved to take longer than the search for the Titanic. Nobody sells stockings. We tried everywhere, and had worked down to Poundland when Spike asked a random member of the public where we could possibly get some. I have to wonder what the poor woman thought to that. It isn’t everyday that you get accosted by a pair of highly dubious looking blokes, one of which was well over the hill yet accompanied by a very pretty girl – even in Corby. And they’ve seen a lot of things in Corby. Hiding her astonishment rather well, the surprised woman suggested we try Boots. Oh yes, why didn’t we think of that? So obvious when you think about it, which we had spectacularly failed to do. Mind you, even Boots had a paltry selection on offer, and all we got was a pair of fishnets and some hold-ups. If any ladies out there want a glamorous night out, I’d give Corby a wide berth. On the other hand, every shop had acres of tights on display – so if you feel the urge to whip out a shotgun and blag a bank; well, you’ll not have to worry about forgetting some tights to stick over your face.
I rob banks with Pretty Polly tights because I'm worth it.
Back to the studio and down to business. We set up a dinky little Christmas display, ironically using my decorations and tree that I don’t put up at Christmas because I just can’t be bothered with the hassle. Well, I go to the family home for the festive season of total boredom and over indulgence, so I can just about manage without a house full of sparkly crap in the run up to not being there.
Sian modelled first as an elf, followed by Santa’s little helper. Her naturally cheeky face and coquettishness admirably suited this set, which was a lot of fun. Slipping out of her Santa suit, we did some shots with the infamous red lingerie before getting creative, as so many of our sessions often do. Time to get Spike upstairs! The idea was to wrap a string of Christmas tree lights around Sian’s body, dim the studio lights and place Sian on a black blanket that was overlaid onto some white camouflage netting that we’d previously used on the floor to provide a bright, festive feel. In the glow the netting took on the appearance of trampled snow, and indeed the set has the feel of an outdoor shoot in many ways. Spike took a great deal of time to get the setting just right, and by subtly controlling the one remaining ambient light source enabled me to move around and take the pictures. They are quite intriguing, and provide refreshingly different seasonal photos to contrast with the almost obligatory set pieces that we started with. The set was fun, we all enjoyed the creativity and it was useful to come away with a new theme of pictures for my portfolio along with more studio practise.
Following a coffee break, Sian wanted to try out a new genre of modelling for a project that she is involved in later this month – Broken Doll. I wasn’t particularly familiar with the concept, but basically a model is dressed in a typically dolly style outfit with striped socks in vibrant colours, pale make-up that whitens the face but contrasting with overly bright red lipstick and heavy black eyeliner to enlarge the eyes. The key to creating an effective picture lies in the model’s empty, hollow facial expression and awkward, grotesque poses in order to create the appearance of a discarded and broken toy doll, or the little lost girl look.
It is a difficult enough task to perform at anytime, but after the fun and amusement of our Christmas shoot it required a very sudden and harsh change of direction. Sian was unrecognisable in her new guise, and as the set went on and we added new effects, props and worked with expressions, she developed into her character so well that the atmosphere became quite uncomfortable. At one point Spike made her cry – he steamed in with the subtly of John Prescott at a Greggs Open day and upset Sian to the point of real tears, which I had to capture as they rolled down her cheek. For this I needed to be inches away from her face, and it was actually rather uncomfortable to be so up close and personal to someone who was clearly in distress. Of course it was a planned artistic effect, but nonetheless, so realistically portrayed that it was completely believable. Yes, it sounds strange and ‘arty’ to say that, but the actress in Sian took over her normally bubbly larger than life personality, and left behind a hollow, depressed and empty shell. Her normally expressive eyes are lifeless and dull, and she appears to gaze straight through you, rather than at you. There is a distinct sense of pathos in the pictures, and when Sian looks to camera you can feel her whispering, “Help me …”
Overall, it was an amazing feat of modelling skill to pull this look off so convincingly, more so when you consider that Sian has never tried this genre before. The pictures say it all and prove my point. We ended the session with the ritual uploading and viewing of pictures, and I was gratified to hear lots of “Ooh, I love that” coming from Sian. If the model that I’m working with likes her pictures, then to my mind, mission accomplished. I was delighted to be able to add two new genres of pictures to my portfolio, and feel that we all gained a lot from this particular session.
Following some development work I’ve now created an online portfolio to ultimately replace the oversized fashion gallery I started with, and have established a new webpage that can keep track of my progress.
So that's enough modelling and photography for a bit then. Not on your life! Within hours of completing this Sunday set we'd be back together again working on our biggest project to date - coming soon!
Gallery: Christmas Set
Gallery: Broken Doll Set
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