Down By The Riverside

One of the best things about my job – apart from overtaking another lorry on a dual carriageway and taking 10 miles to do it in the process, thus causing a long queue of Audi’s to stack up behind me (as if) – is stumbling across many of Britain’s hidden gems, and finding places of solitude and calm, even in the biggest and busiest cities.

And so it was today, I was making a delivery in Nottingham – one of the most cosmopolitan and thriving of English cities, famous for Robin Hood and the fact that you’re more likely to get shot here than anywhere else in the UK. That’s a comforting thought. If the hoodies and drug barons of Nottingham were going to enter into the spirit of things, at the very least they could offer bow and arrow drive-bys. Guns are so passé now.

Anyway, I approached my delivery address, and was pretty sure that my satnav was having an off day when I ended up in a large, but clearly abandoned riverside industrial complex on the banks of the River Trent. It was the correct location however, as some portacabins had been erected, but the rest of the scene was from another time and place. As I had unrivalled riverside views, I decided that this was as good a place as any for lunch – so here is the view from ‘Restaurant Iveco’:

How very calm and tranquil, especially with the couple in the skiff (that’s the boat to you landlubbers) arriving at just the right moment. Of course, my camera lies just as well as an estate agent’s! Pull back on the zoom, and here is the complete scene:

Even so, it’s a lovely quiet spot, and if I had the money and could cook anything more ambitious than a marmalade sandwich, I’d be opening a restaurant and doing boat trips. There is a slight blot on the horizon that needs some attention; if you join me as I swing the camera around to the right:

Ah.

But actually, not quite the eyesore it appears to be. This is a magnificent building, and when did you last see a warehouse of this vintage and design? I’d like to do it up, put some decent shops selling arty stuff and an outdoor café with a riverside terrace on the ground floor, then convert the rest into luxury riverside apartments; pocket the cash from the yuppies and bugger off to the Cayman Islands, where I could savour traditional Nottingham architecture without the risk of being shot. I’m not as daft as I look, you know. When's the next series of Dragon's Den starting filming?