Day 4 - July 17th
After a very restful night’s sleep in the Hotel Liberta, I made my way to join my hosts for breakfast in the morning. The news this morning was that owing to a bad blister gained from all the walking recently, a hike through the Tatras to Morskie Oko was now not possible, but given the heat – already in the 30° region at breakfast time – this didn’t seem such a disappointment. So what were the plans now? I was informed that today, I would be taken to pussy heaven. Oh dear. Following a skin crawling experience last Christmas, I have developed a strong aversion to all things cat, so the idea of visiting what sounded suspiciously like a feline taxidermy emporium had all the appeal of having my head shoved down a public toilet with the chain pulled repeatedly. By a large tabby. In short, not my cup of tea.
Further investigation elicited the information that we were crossing the border into Slovakia, and I would need my swimming stuff. That begged more questions than it answered, but I was delighted to be visiting a new country, especially Slovakia, even if it was to view a dead cat. Although I’ve not seen a dead cat in Slovakia before, I have, ironically, seen a photo of one – but I feel I’m going off topic here, so I digress.
Slovakia is not particularly well known, but I have a friend who used to visit the Tatras mountains region for winter skiing holidays, and he certainly talked with enthusiasm about the country. Generally speaking, few Brits can even name it, and fewer still could locate it on a map – although after ten years of New Labour ‘edukashun, edukashun, edukashun’, few Brits can locate Sheffield on a map so maybe it’s just asking too much.
My personal view of Slovakia’s position in Europe is that it reminds me of a small, polite but unassuming man in a crowded bar who can’t get served because of all the loud, macho, muscled blokes pushing in all around him. As that small, polite but unassuming man in a crowded bar who can’t get served because of all the loud, macho, muscled blokes pushing in all around him, I felt a natural affinity with the country. While the larger EU neighbours grab the headlines and EU funding for various projects, Slovakia doesn’t seem to warrant a mention, and has benefited little from joining the EU apart from being allowed to send migrants out to seek employment elsewhere. Consequently, Slovakia remains tucked away underneath dominating Poland and the western European countries, quietly getting on with it’s own thing in it’s own way. It hasn’t even attracted the Easyjet stag parties in a way that the neighbouring Czech Republic Prague has done, although no doubt the Slovakians breathe a sigh of relief at missing out on this particular EU ‘benefit’. There is no obvious tourist attraction, other than winter skiing in the Tatras, and Zakopane dominates this market. So, Slovakia remains largely untouched by the tourist hordes and pretty much undiscovered. That alone endears me to a country - quiet, unspoilt, going about it’s own business and no sign of Ronald McDonald for hundreds of miles.
We were heading for a town called Liptovský Mikuláš, which would be another 2-hour car journey – oh what joy! As the crow flies, it’s not that far from Zakopane, but then, crows can fly across the Tatras Mountains in a straight line. By road, we would negotiate the mountains by travelling around the steepest parts towards the pass which lies to the north-west of Zakopane, cross the border at Sucha Hora then essentially describe a huge semi-circle to negotiate the pass - she’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes, but in a Skoda Octavia and it won’t be quick.
The route from Zakopane, using Google maps.
The road from Poland provided pleasant views of the Tatras as we skirted the base of the range, before taking a left and heading towards Slovakia. I was surprised to see just how informal the border crossing was; a large sign welcomes you to Slovakia and that is all. The border post had gone, and all that is left is the rusty support that used to hold the barrier. Since joining the EU, Poland, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Germany have abolished border controls, realising that all the illegal immigrants come to Brown’s Benefit Utopia anyway (which has the strictest border controls in Europe, yet we also have the largest number of illegal immigrants – go figure) so why waste good money checking people who have every right to freedom of movement. The border town of Sucha Hora (it wasn’t such a horror at all, it was really rather pleasant) lies around half a mile away, and passing through I immediately noticed a huge change in style to neighbouring Poland. The biggest difference is the buildings themselves, Slovakian houses tend to be long and narrow, and although they all feature large angled roofs to cope with winter snow, many are flat at the top, giving them a chopped off appearance. A large number were constructed from logs or slatted wood, those that weren’t were often finished in grey, which gave them a dowdy appearance, offset by immaculate and colourful gardens. The change in style was surprising, I had expected a gradual blend of Poland and Slovakia at the borders, but this was clearly and definably a new country. I like this; it is fascinating to see such a change of style and contrast, and makes you feel that you are indeed, travelling 'abroad'.
The language changes considerably as well; although Slovakia uses the Latin alphabet, a significant number of letters have added accents or signs called diacritics (bet you didn’t know that; see, you’ve learnt something already) that alter the sound of the letter – making Slovakian a difficult language to learn. There’s not just the odd one either, the Slovaks liberally pepper these diacritics all over the place, such as our destination of Liptovský Mikuláš. God only knows how long it takes to send a text message. ĝř8 ĩńņīt Ĺŏl?
We pressed on, and as stopping wasn’t on the agenda, I fired off some random pictures from the car of the passing scenery. The road through the mountains was surprisingly good, with plenty of exciting hairpin bends with steep drops that reminded me of the Italian Job. I’d like to get a trio of old Sierras and film the budget follow up – The Slovakian Job; it would be an exhilarating experience. A brief toilet stop was made, er, somewhere – which I used as a brief photo stop to capture just some of the imposing views from the trip. Despite my protesting bladder, it was too good a chance to miss. Then the descent began, before long we were now round the mountains and heading along Route 584 to our destination. To experience this fantastic route in all its glory could only really done by bike, and indeed a number of cyclists were seen taking advantage of this option. It would hard labour climbing the pass, but the views and freewheel descent would make up for it.
Small villages flashed past the car, all sounding like brands of vodka – Habovka, Zuberec, Huty before we arrived at a garish multi-coloured complex of buildings and tubes that looked like Star Wars meets Pimp My Ride. In the midst of all the outstanding unspoilt natural beauty, this seemed strange indeed. Despite the fact that in a 2-hour plus trip we’d seen around a dozen vehicles, the car park was packed, and I noticed that 80% of them were Polish registered. We had arrived! Yes, but where?
The answer was Tatralandia, a large outdoor theme park with a difference – it was entirely water based. Tatralandia has a complete holiday village within its boundaries, and offers a diverse array of water-based entertainment, from saunas and massage to water slides, tunnels, umpteen swimming pools, dinghies and toboggans – you name it. On a searing hot day, it sounded fantastic. Quite how it came about is a very good question. You need some very lateral thinking to be driving through the Tatras mountains with nothing around you for miles and miles, when you suddenly have a eureka moment and think, ‘you know, what this place needs is a pink and green waterslide.’ It was inspired thinking indeed; the region sits on top of a natural source of 60.7ºC hot thermal water springing from a depth of over 2,500m. Consequently, all the water for the park is available – literally – on tap and preheated, thus saving the requirement to pump it all in and heat it up expensively. Because the thermals are naturally warm, it allows for the round-the-year operation of the water park, even in the snows of winter! Imagine lazing in a heated pool outdoors, with snow all around. The project even got EU backing and funding, which is rare for Slovakia – presumably the MEP’s thought that it would be a nice place to go to unwind after a busy day of making laws about straight cucumbers, and approved the investment. Come, come, our European Ministers wouldn’t be that self-serving, would they? They tell me that the thermal water contained in the pools is beneficiary to health. It holds a specific position among the waters of the Liptov region as it contains part of the seawater, which covered the area of the Liptov basin as early as 40 million years ago. All very educational; when can I go on a slide?
As soon as we entered, I got a nudge and a wink from my host. ‘Pussy heaven, yes?’ Now the coin dropped with an almighty clang that could be heard in Estonia. The coin dropped almost, but not quite, as far as my jaw. I had definitely died and woken up in a bikini paradise. This was my ultimate Shangri-La, and I was never going to leave unless they dragged me out by tractor. I was at the alter of the body beautiful, and was interested to learn that the finals of Miss Slovakia are held here.
If you need a judge for 2010, call me.
We entered Aquapark, which is the principle attraction with tickets for the park itself, plus a three-hour pass for ‘Tatra-Therm-Vital’, which sounds like shampoo to me. This was actually sauna world, and consisted of 16 steam, water and massage baths plus saunas. I’ve seen saunas on James Bond films but never been in one, and if it’s good enough for 007, it’s good enough for a grumpy old git.
No clothes whatsoever are permitted in Tatra-Therm-Vital, but your modesty is protected with an optional towel – an option I most definitely accepted with alacrity. Obviously cameras are not permitted, so the pictures to illustrate this piece – and believe me, it needs illustrating – come from the excellent Therm-Vital pages and are well worth a visit to find out more about this fascinating and different place. As you can see, the photographer is a man after my own heart. I tried every sauna going as they offered different temperatures and humidity levels to promote various health benefits, well being and eye candy.
As an example, the Salt Sauna (above) gently steamed you at 45°C with humidity of 100%, whereas as a session in the Liptov Sauna (below) marinates you in blistering 105°C temperatures, while cooking you in 20% humidity. How hot? My nose hairs caught fire. Quite.
I know what you're thinking and it's not going to happen.
Then the idea is to jump into a freezing cold bath to cool off, and hit another sauna or just relax on the thoughtfully provided heated and tiled stone slabs or wicker basket chairs. My advice - go for the heated slabs. With just a towel, wicker can have unexpected results in certain places.
So I said to Marek, and Marek said to me ...
The visit is rounded off with a dip in the relaxing Spa Bath Whirlpool – this claims to ‘Discover the mystery of small bubbles that will stroke every inch of your skin. This kind of micro-massage results in better blood circulation and overall muscle relaxation. Simply immerse into the bubbles and enjoy this pleasure.’ Oh, er, missus! So, I did.
I don't know where these bubbles are coming from, but I know where they're going ...
I really got into Sauna World; I have never felt so relaxed or cleansed in my life. It was a fabulous experience, and if it knocks a couple of years off my appearance then so much the better. I emerged from Sauna World looking as young and fresh as this:
I wish!
We left Sauna World and headed upstairs. Entry into Aquapark is provided by jumping into a large tube that twists and turns before dropping you into a lovely warm pool. You’ve arrived!
Welcome to our world.
Aquapark is fantastic. The various rides are cleverly designed, and there are areas in the complex for all age groups to enjoy the facilities. A pictorial gallery shows it off best; once again these pictures are from the Tatralandia website as I was hardly in a position to take my own snaps.
A general view across the main complex.
The children's play pool with plenty of interesting facilities to play with.
The adults play pool, with, again ....
Three of the fastest tunnel slides, icluding the Black Hole - over 100 metres
covered in around 15 seconds, with a high speed ejection into the pool below.
Grab a mat and slide head first down this exciting slope.
This was easily one of the best slides, especially when descended by an
infaltable rubber ring that would skid across the pool at the bottom.
Another helter skelter that is descended by dinghy, great fun.
The dark blue and purple slides are awesome; the blue slide is almost a sheer drop whilst the purple version has a jump half way down so that you take off. Is is a bird, is it a plane? No, it's a grumpy git on holiday.
With all that frenetic activity, wind down by the water in the hot sun and
admire the view - of the distant Tatras, what did you think I meant?
Should mental as well as physical exertion be required, you could always
work out how to mate with these fine pieces - whoa, enough already!
In such fashion we passed the action packed day. I cannot recommend visiting this place strongly enough, and there are enough facilities on offer to last a week – there was so much we couldn’t fit into the day before we reluctantly left at 8 pm to start the long drive home.
The Long Road Home, from Google Maps.
We’d be heading back to Jaworzno on a different route, roughly north all the way. This entailed another glorious view of the Tatras, and as they receded behind us we travelled through various small Slovakian towns until we came to the shores of a huge lake near to the town of Námestovo. The sun was setting and the lake looked beautiful, stretching away to infinity. In reality, it isn’t a lake; it is the Orava Reservoir and was completed in 1953. Námestovo citizens haven’t had an easy ride, though – the town was burnt down at the end of World War 2 by the departing German army of occupation. The place was rebuilt, and then someone decided to flood ⅔ of it to build a reservoir. No doubt those citizens who escaped fire and flood are now looking anxiously at swine flu bulletins.
Calm and serenity after an action packed day.
Still, the reservoir looked stunning as it shimmered under the setting sun, and it really made a perfect end to a great day and rounded off my holiday nicely. All I can say in conclusion to this trip is - water wonderful day. (You may groan).
Further investigation elicited the information that we were crossing the border into Slovakia, and I would need my swimming stuff. That begged more questions than it answered, but I was delighted to be visiting a new country, especially Slovakia, even if it was to view a dead cat. Although I’ve not seen a dead cat in Slovakia before, I have, ironically, seen a photo of one – but I feel I’m going off topic here, so I digress.
Slovakia is not particularly well known, but I have a friend who used to visit the Tatras mountains region for winter skiing holidays, and he certainly talked with enthusiasm about the country. Generally speaking, few Brits can even name it, and fewer still could locate it on a map – although after ten years of New Labour ‘edukashun, edukashun, edukashun’, few Brits can locate Sheffield on a map so maybe it’s just asking too much.
My personal view of Slovakia’s position in Europe is that it reminds me of a small, polite but unassuming man in a crowded bar who can’t get served because of all the loud, macho, muscled blokes pushing in all around him. As that small, polite but unassuming man in a crowded bar who can’t get served because of all the loud, macho, muscled blokes pushing in all around him, I felt a natural affinity with the country. While the larger EU neighbours grab the headlines and EU funding for various projects, Slovakia doesn’t seem to warrant a mention, and has benefited little from joining the EU apart from being allowed to send migrants out to seek employment elsewhere. Consequently, Slovakia remains tucked away underneath dominating Poland and the western European countries, quietly getting on with it’s own thing in it’s own way. It hasn’t even attracted the Easyjet stag parties in a way that the neighbouring Czech Republic Prague has done, although no doubt the Slovakians breathe a sigh of relief at missing out on this particular EU ‘benefit’. There is no obvious tourist attraction, other than winter skiing in the Tatras, and Zakopane dominates this market. So, Slovakia remains largely untouched by the tourist hordes and pretty much undiscovered. That alone endears me to a country - quiet, unspoilt, going about it’s own business and no sign of Ronald McDonald for hundreds of miles.
We were heading for a town called Liptovský Mikuláš, which would be another 2-hour car journey – oh what joy! As the crow flies, it’s not that far from Zakopane, but then, crows can fly across the Tatras Mountains in a straight line. By road, we would negotiate the mountains by travelling around the steepest parts towards the pass which lies to the north-west of Zakopane, cross the border at Sucha Hora then essentially describe a huge semi-circle to negotiate the pass - she’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes, but in a Skoda Octavia and it won’t be quick.
The route from Zakopane, using Google maps.The road from Poland provided pleasant views of the Tatras as we skirted the base of the range, before taking a left and heading towards Slovakia. I was surprised to see just how informal the border crossing was; a large sign welcomes you to Slovakia and that is all. The border post had gone, and all that is left is the rusty support that used to hold the barrier. Since joining the EU, Poland, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Germany have abolished border controls, realising that all the illegal immigrants come to Brown’s Benefit Utopia anyway (which has the strictest border controls in Europe, yet we also have the largest number of illegal immigrants – go figure) so why waste good money checking people who have every right to freedom of movement. The border town of Sucha Hora (it wasn’t such a horror at all, it was really rather pleasant) lies around half a mile away, and passing through I immediately noticed a huge change in style to neighbouring Poland. The biggest difference is the buildings themselves, Slovakian houses tend to be long and narrow, and although they all feature large angled roofs to cope with winter snow, many are flat at the top, giving them a chopped off appearance. A large number were constructed from logs or slatted wood, those that weren’t were often finished in grey, which gave them a dowdy appearance, offset by immaculate and colourful gardens. The change in style was surprising, I had expected a gradual blend of Poland and Slovakia at the borders, but this was clearly and definably a new country. I like this; it is fascinating to see such a change of style and contrast, and makes you feel that you are indeed, travelling 'abroad'.
The language changes considerably as well; although Slovakia uses the Latin alphabet, a significant number of letters have added accents or signs called diacritics (bet you didn’t know that; see, you’ve learnt something already) that alter the sound of the letter – making Slovakian a difficult language to learn. There’s not just the odd one either, the Slovaks liberally pepper these diacritics all over the place, such as our destination of Liptovský Mikuláš. God only knows how long it takes to send a text message. ĝř8 ĩńņīt Ĺŏl?
We pressed on, and as stopping wasn’t on the agenda, I fired off some random pictures from the car of the passing scenery. The road through the mountains was surprisingly good, with plenty of exciting hairpin bends with steep drops that reminded me of the Italian Job. I’d like to get a trio of old Sierras and film the budget follow up – The Slovakian Job; it would be an exhilarating experience. A brief toilet stop was made, er, somewhere – which I used as a brief photo stop to capture just some of the imposing views from the trip. Despite my protesting bladder, it was too good a chance to miss. Then the descent began, before long we were now round the mountains and heading along Route 584 to our destination. To experience this fantastic route in all its glory could only really done by bike, and indeed a number of cyclists were seen taking advantage of this option. It would hard labour climbing the pass, but the views and freewheel descent would make up for it.
Small villages flashed past the car, all sounding like brands of vodka – Habovka, Zuberec, Huty before we arrived at a garish multi-coloured complex of buildings and tubes that looked like Star Wars meets Pimp My Ride. In the midst of all the outstanding unspoilt natural beauty, this seemed strange indeed. Despite the fact that in a 2-hour plus trip we’d seen around a dozen vehicles, the car park was packed, and I noticed that 80% of them were Polish registered. We had arrived! Yes, but where?
The answer was Tatralandia, a large outdoor theme park with a difference – it was entirely water based. Tatralandia has a complete holiday village within its boundaries, and offers a diverse array of water-based entertainment, from saunas and massage to water slides, tunnels, umpteen swimming pools, dinghies and toboggans – you name it. On a searing hot day, it sounded fantastic. Quite how it came about is a very good question. You need some very lateral thinking to be driving through the Tatras mountains with nothing around you for miles and miles, when you suddenly have a eureka moment and think, ‘you know, what this place needs is a pink and green waterslide.’ It was inspired thinking indeed; the region sits on top of a natural source of 60.7ºC hot thermal water springing from a depth of over 2,500m. Consequently, all the water for the park is available – literally – on tap and preheated, thus saving the requirement to pump it all in and heat it up expensively. Because the thermals are naturally warm, it allows for the round-the-year operation of the water park, even in the snows of winter! Imagine lazing in a heated pool outdoors, with snow all around. The project even got EU backing and funding, which is rare for Slovakia – presumably the MEP’s thought that it would be a nice place to go to unwind after a busy day of making laws about straight cucumbers, and approved the investment. Come, come, our European Ministers wouldn’t be that self-serving, would they? They tell me that the thermal water contained in the pools is beneficiary to health. It holds a specific position among the waters of the Liptov region as it contains part of the seawater, which covered the area of the Liptov basin as early as 40 million years ago. All very educational; when can I go on a slide?
As soon as we entered, I got a nudge and a wink from my host. ‘Pussy heaven, yes?’ Now the coin dropped with an almighty clang that could be heard in Estonia. The coin dropped almost, but not quite, as far as my jaw. I had definitely died and woken up in a bikini paradise. This was my ultimate Shangri-La, and I was never going to leave unless they dragged me out by tractor. I was at the alter of the body beautiful, and was interested to learn that the finals of Miss Slovakia are held here.
If you need a judge for 2010, call me. We entered Aquapark, which is the principle attraction with tickets for the park itself, plus a three-hour pass for ‘Tatra-Therm-Vital’, which sounds like shampoo to me. This was actually sauna world, and consisted of 16 steam, water and massage baths plus saunas. I’ve seen saunas on James Bond films but never been in one, and if it’s good enough for 007, it’s good enough for a grumpy old git.
No clothes whatsoever are permitted in Tatra-Therm-Vital, but your modesty is protected with an optional towel – an option I most definitely accepted with alacrity. Obviously cameras are not permitted, so the pictures to illustrate this piece – and believe me, it needs illustrating – come from the excellent Therm-Vital pages and are well worth a visit to find out more about this fascinating and different place. As you can see, the photographer is a man after my own heart. I tried every sauna going as they offered different temperatures and humidity levels to promote various health benefits, well being and eye candy.
As an example, the Salt Sauna (above) gently steamed you at 45°C with humidity of 100%, whereas as a session in the Liptov Sauna (below) marinates you in blistering 105°C temperatures, while cooking you in 20% humidity. How hot? My nose hairs caught fire. Quite.
I know what you're thinking and it's not going to happen. Then the idea is to jump into a freezing cold bath to cool off, and hit another sauna or just relax on the thoughtfully provided heated and tiled stone slabs or wicker basket chairs. My advice - go for the heated slabs. With just a towel, wicker can have unexpected results in certain places.
So I said to Marek, and Marek said to me ... The visit is rounded off with a dip in the relaxing Spa Bath Whirlpool – this claims to ‘Discover the mystery of small bubbles that will stroke every inch of your skin. This kind of micro-massage results in better blood circulation and overall muscle relaxation. Simply immerse into the bubbles and enjoy this pleasure.’ Oh, er, missus! So, I did.
I don't know where these bubbles are coming from, but I know where they're going ... I really got into Sauna World; I have never felt so relaxed or cleansed in my life. It was a fabulous experience, and if it knocks a couple of years off my appearance then so much the better. I emerged from Sauna World looking as young and fresh as this:
I wish!We left Sauna World and headed upstairs. Entry into Aquapark is provided by jumping into a large tube that twists and turns before dropping you into a lovely warm pool. You’ve arrived!
Welcome to our world. Aquapark is fantastic. The various rides are cleverly designed, and there are areas in the complex for all age groups to enjoy the facilities. A pictorial gallery shows it off best; once again these pictures are from the Tatralandia website as I was hardly in a position to take my own snaps.
A general view across the main complex. 
The children's play pool with plenty of interesting facilities to play with. 
The adults play pool, with, again .... 
Three of the fastest tunnel slides, icluding the Black Hole - over 100 metres covered in around 15 seconds, with a high speed ejection into the pool below.
Grab a mat and slide head first down this exciting slope.
This was easily one of the best slides, especially when descended by an infaltable rubber ring that would skid across the pool at the bottom.
Another helter skelter that is descended by dinghy, great fun. 
The dark blue and purple slides are awesome; the blue slide is almost a sheer drop whilst the purple version has a jump half way down so that you take off. Is is a bird, is it a plane? No, it's a grumpy git on holiday.
With all that frenetic activity, wind down by the water in the hot sun andadmire the view - of the distant Tatras, what did you think I meant?
Should mental as well as physical exertion be required, you could always work out how to mate with these fine pieces - whoa, enough already!
In such fashion we passed the action packed day. I cannot recommend visiting this place strongly enough, and there are enough facilities on offer to last a week – there was so much we couldn’t fit into the day before we reluctantly left at 8 pm to start the long drive home.
The Long Road Home, from Google Maps.We’d be heading back to Jaworzno on a different route, roughly north all the way. This entailed another glorious view of the Tatras, and as they receded behind us we travelled through various small Slovakian towns until we came to the shores of a huge lake near to the town of Námestovo. The sun was setting and the lake looked beautiful, stretching away to infinity. In reality, it isn’t a lake; it is the Orava Reservoir and was completed in 1953. Námestovo citizens haven’t had an easy ride, though – the town was burnt down at the end of World War 2 by the departing German army of occupation. The place was rebuilt, and then someone decided to flood ⅔ of it to build a reservoir. No doubt those citizens who escaped fire and flood are now looking anxiously at swine flu bulletins.
Calm and serenity after an action packed day.
Still, the reservoir looked stunning as it shimmered under the setting sun, and it really made a perfect end to a great day and rounded off my holiday nicely. All I can say in conclusion to this trip is - water wonderful day. (You may groan).
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