Well, the next instalment of health & safety garbage comes sooner than I expected (see yesterday, below). It looks as though Emma has been moonlighting down at Brighton in her spare time, as this latest H&S diktat is certainly worthy of her particular brand of pettiness and gross stupidity. A 45 year old man named Hilaire Purbrick has inhabited a seven-foot cave he dug on his plot and dined off the land for the past 16 years.
Brighton and Hove City Council got particularly bored with their busy days of 'sitting' and decided it did not have enough FIRE EXITS and sought an injunction banning him from entering it. This really does take H&S crassness to a whole new level – there you were yesterday thinking, ‘no, he’s making this up, they couldn’t be that petty.’ It is just as well cave dwellers in eons gone by didn’t have some idiot from H&S wandering around in a hi-viz bearskin; they’d have made the entire country homeless overnight, which would have resulted in everybody freezing to death outside in winter; thus ending civilisation at a stroke. A sobering thought, until you realise that it would also have prevented the birth of the whole H&S fascist movement many thousands of years later.
This ruling also explains why the dinosaurs died out. Health & Safety banned them from their habitat because there was a risk of them hitting their heads on overhanging tree branches. So they were all sent on a safety awareness course to Ruislip, where they couldn’t cope with the English weather. The dinosaurs duly became extinct, until the 21st century or so when a new species particular to Great Britain was born: the arseholiusofficiusosarus.
"And I'm telling you, Mr Ugg, you are not entering that cave until you have installed a second fire escape, smoke detector and Freeview. End of."
Brighton and Hove City Council got particularly bored with their busy days of 'sitting' and decided it did not have enough FIRE EXITS and sought an injunction banning him from entering it. This really does take H&S crassness to a whole new level – there you were yesterday thinking, ‘no, he’s making this up, they couldn’t be that petty.’ It is just as well cave dwellers in eons gone by didn’t have some idiot from H&S wandering around in a hi-viz bearskin; they’d have made the entire country homeless overnight, which would have resulted in everybody freezing to death outside in winter; thus ending civilisation at a stroke. A sobering thought, until you realise that it would also have prevented the birth of the whole H&S fascist movement many thousands of years later.
This ruling also explains why the dinosaurs died out. Health & Safety banned them from their habitat because there was a risk of them hitting their heads on overhanging tree branches. So they were all sent on a safety awareness course to Ruislip, where they couldn’t cope with the English weather. The dinosaurs duly became extinct, until the 21st century or so when a new species particular to Great Britain was born: the arseholiusofficiusosarus.
"And I'm telling you, Mr Ugg, you are not entering that cave until you have installed a second fire escape, smoke detector and Freeview. End of."
Priceless, but incredibly sad at the same time. I never believed that 'meteor' story that was put about.
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